Tag Archives: love

Snapshots of my week


OR: Things I want to write about but can’t make myself finish…

It’s late but I’m still asleep. I guess Amor gets tired of waiting so he climbs back into bed to wake me up. He’s just cuddling me, but it’s making me horny. Good thing I’m already naked.

Amor just came on my face. I’m sitting in the tub masturbating myself and he’s thrusting his fingers inside me, smiling. Just a little break before we finish our shower.

We’ve just had sex twice in a row, we’re laying on the bed recovering.We’re face-to-face, holding each other and I feel my chest press up against his as we breathe.

I joke about sucking his cock. Seconds later, I’m sucking his cock 😉

We’re sitting together, watching TV. My head is resting on his shoulder and he smells irresistible. I realize I want him again.

We try watching porn together, but we only make it about 3 minutes in. Then we’re ripping each other’s clothes off.

I try writing in my blog every day, but every time I do I get distracted and we end up fucking instead. And all my post ends up unfinished. At least it’ll give me something to do when I go home next week…

Advertisements

Snow day


All girls wish their boyfriends could read their minds. Well, Amor can’t yet, but we’re getting there. I just want to share a moment from my day that made me fall in love with my Amor all over again.

We slept in late this morning and since neither of us had anything to do, decided to spend the day lounging around the apartment. When we were finally up and about we decided to barter a shoulder rub for an omlette. Really, I would have made him breakfast anyway if he asked, but I’m not gonna turn down a massage! After our yummy breakfast (really, it was past lunch time) we  snuggled up on the couch for that shoulder rub I was promised.

It was purely platonic, just a boyfriend giving his girlfriend a treat on their day off. I was really tense for some reason and his strong hands made me want to purr. Then, purely by accident, his hand brushed against my throat. Just for a second. Suddenly I was aware of his body surrounding me, of his hands on my neck and his kissable face so close to mine. My heart skipped a beat and I immediately started slipping toward sub space. I was wet in seconds. I don’t know what I did in those few seconds that let him know his happy, comfy girlfriend was turning into his horny little slut. But somehow he knew. And somehow, just the thought of how horny I was made him feel the same way. He kept working on my neck with one hand, but moved the other back to my throat, then down to my chest. He squeezed gently, then a bit more roughly. He pushed aside my tank top and bra and squeezed my hard nipple, making me gasp and shudder. I could feel his hard-on growing as he watched me wanting him.

We were too turned on to bother with things like taking off our clothes. Somewhere on the way to the bed I lost my pants and his were barely below his has ass when he climbed on top of me. As soon as I felt him slip inside me I started bucking my hips, grinding myself on his cock. He loves watching my fuck myself like that and sat back on his heals to enjoy the view. He watched me bring myself closer and closer to the edge until I was crazy with the need to cum. Then, he pushed himself down on top of me and rode me hard, pushing his big cock into me at that perfect angle. I love it when he tells me to cum, almost as much as I love it when he fucks me so hard I can’t help it anyway. I got both that time and, with a moan loud enough for the neighbors to hear, I came. And came. And before I was done cumming I was already wrapping my legs around him, begging for more. It didn’t take him long to cum after all that, and the satisfied smile on his face as we laid down for a nap made me feel like such a good girl as I drifted off to dreams of more orgasms.

When I woke up from those dreams still horny, Amor was more than happy to take care of it again 🙂 I’m taking a little break now to write this and make dinner (two meals in one day!) and then I think I’ll have to make him cum again. I just can’t get enough of the look on his face when he’s cumming inside me.


Please, may I suck your cock? (Part 2)


Well, clearly we worked things out after that frustrating night, otherwise I would have had more time to write 😉 In fact, the very next evening we had what I like to think of as an ‘aha!’ moment. We’ve had plenty of those moments in our relationship: when I realized he really wasn’t freaked out by my kinks, when he realized I really did love sucking his cock, when we both realized how much fun public play could be…So here’s a new one for our collection:

On the Sunday before Christmas, still at his parents’ house (but with fewer people around), still on my period, and still upset about the night before I decided to take out my frustration by sucking his cock. In case you haven’t caught on, I love to give blow jobs. I had been thinking about his cock all day and as soon as we closed our door for the night I was ready to take him. I guess he was thinking along the same lines because before I could say or do anything he was kissing me and pulling off my clothes. But, this time I wasn’t just going to sit around and do what he wanted, I was pissed off. You’d think I’d do something mean, but no, all I really wanted was to have his cock fill my throat until everything else in the world disappeared. So I helped him with his clothes and got on top of him so my head was above his erection. I started hungrily licking the head, the shaft, his balls, anything I could find, popping him into my mouth for a second sucking him off, then back to licking, kissing, sucking again. You can tell the difference between a girl who just wants to give a good blowjob and a girl who needs to suck cock right now or she’ll die. Yea, I was the latter.

I bounced my head on his cock, licking the underside of his cock, flicking my tongue across the tip every so often just to hear his reaction. He had his fingers in my hair, not guiding me, not hurting me, just letting me know that he could. I don’t usually choke if I can control when I take him into my throat, but his size makes the last inch really hard to push in. Not because of the gag reflex, but literally because I can’t get it past the narrow part of my throat. I had only managed it on a few occasions before but I was determined to do it again that night. Don’t ask me why, it was just there and I wanted it inside me.

He saw my neck was getting a bit tired and decided to help me out – ’cause he’s such a nice guy 😉 Standing up he pulled my head to the edge of the bed so I could take him from a new angle. But, now I didn’t have gravity on my side helping me push onto him. He watched me struggle for a few minutes, starting up at him while I tried to swallow his cock. Steadying my head with both hands he started thrusting in and out of my mouth. I loosened my jaw to accept him as he slowly worked himself deeper into my mouth. Then deeper into my throat. He was face-fucking me faster now and I was starting to get dizzy from the lack of air. Losing my focus I gagged. He pulled out to let me recover. “Are you ok?” He asked, genuinely concerned. I smiled through my tears and nodded, taking the tip of his cock back into my mouth. He let me suck him like that for a few seconds before he felt sure enough to start pushing into me again. Over and over I took him as deep as I could, until I couldn’t anymore. Over and over he made sure I was ok before starting again.

To give me a bit longer break, or maybe because he was getting tired of standing, he climbed onto the bed, kneeling over my chest. He stroked himself for a while there, again asking if I was ok and if I wanted to keep going. I always thought that would be a turn off, but coming from him, in that loving voice it made me want him even more. I answered by licking and sucking his balls, smiling up at him every time I let them go. I took a deep breath as he lifted my head up to the tip of his cock. He pulled my head toward him so that his cock was half way in my mouth and there was no way for me to pull away…as if I wanted to. He started thrusting into me again, deeper and deeper until he was as far as he could go. I could feel his balls on my chin as he moved his hips to get more leverage. Then he stopped. Balls deep in my mouth, he stopped. With his cock down my throat I couldn’t breath. With his body on my chest and his hands holding my head to him, I couldn’t move. Instead of panicking and trying to push him off, I opened my throat just a little bit more and he pushed all the way inside me. My head was swimming, probably partly from lack of oxygen, but mostly because I had completely given up control. I was as far into subspace as I could imagine, all I could think of was his cock in my mouth, nothing else mattered. I’m sure that moment lasted only a second or two, but it felt like forever.

He pulled out again and I gasped for breath as he held me just an inch or so from the tip of his cock. Again he asked if I was ok. I don’t think I answered, I don’t think I could, but I smiled and made to take him into my mouth again. And that’s when it clicked. Somehow he internalized what I had said about how much I love to suck his cock. He was no longer worried about whether I wanted this or not, he was going to cum in my throat and he knew I was going to like it. So he fucked my face, chocking me with his cock and giving me only a few seconds to recover. Tears were pouring down my face now from suppressing my gag reflex, but neither of us cared. I stroked his cock with my tongue as he fucked me, sucking and swallowing as much as I could, begging him with my eyes to unload down my throat.

And when he did, it was as good as I imagined. I felt his hot cum on the back of my throat as his cock pulsed on top of my tongue. He held me there, my face pressed against his abs until he had spilled ever drop of cum. He pulled out without letting go of my head and as I felt his head pass my lips I gratefully licked him clean.


Maddening!


Amor came home for the holidays Saturday. So of course, I get my period, I get sick, and we get stuck at his parents’ house. Sigh. He picked me up that afternoon and we got caught in holiday shopping traffic for an hour on our way to his parents’ house for a big family pre-Christmas dinner. It would have been a lot more fun if I hadn’t been feeling like I was about to pass out the whole time. I excused myself for a bit and went to lie down in the guest bedroom where we would be spending the night. Fifteen minutes later Amor came to check on me, looking a bit worried but mostly cheerful. He had brought me a holiday cupcake!

It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other that I was absolutely determined to have some time to ourselves, family celebrations and being sick aside. So I set the the cupcake he had brought me on the nightstand and pulled him down on top of me by the waist. It’s been too long since I’ve felt a strong body on top of me. We kissed and hugged like teenagers for a bit, just enjoying each other’s bodies. But we aren’t teenagers and soon I started thinking about how I’d love to lick his hard cock again and feel it deep in my throat as he came. Like he was reading my mind he started unfastening his belt and telling me how it had been way too long since he’d felt my mouth on his cock. The bed was the perfect height. He stood, with his pants pulled just far enough down to let his hard cock spring out and I laid on the bed, relaxing while I kissed and licked him. Just as I started working him into my throat we heard a whole procession of family members climbing the stairs. In a panic he buttoned his pants and I fixed my hair and we waited to see what would happen. It turned out they were getting towels or something for his baby cousins, but babies are a great mood killer and we just couldn’t keep going after that. Amor went back downstairs while I stayed in bed by myself. I’m not good at being alone when I’m so close to him and so horny, so I was feeling pretty bummed out by evening. And, to top things off, the cat knocked my cupcake onto the floor!

Then, when he did finally come up to bed, he was so exhausted from his early-morning flight and the busy day that he went straight to sleep. Hrumph. So, being the emotional masochist that I am, instead of nudging him and saying, “hey, I really missed you, can we finish what we started earlier?” I stayed up for hours feeling lonely and frustrated. Sigh. Sometimes I piss myself off.


Thinking about my kinks…


I’ve been reading a lot recently on various blogs and websites (as well as a few books) about kink. Not the sexy kind of writing though, I was reading about the practical stuff. How to negotiate a scene, how to meet a dom/sub, different opinions on how to get started, advice on how to handle it emotionally when you admit to yourself that you have some fantasies that don’t fall into your understanding of ‘normal,’ and other stuff like that. I used to read those kinds of articles and blogs a lot, back when I was still trying to figure out my own sexuality. What struck me now, and the reason I’ve been so fascinated with it, is how different my experience was from what almost everyone describes.

Maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe most people who have enough experience with kink to feel like they can give others advice have been at it for so long that they are necessarily of another generation. Or maybe it was so much harder ‘coming out’ back then so now they feel obligated to help the younger generation. Or maybe it’s just me and everyone else in my generation still had to deal with a lot of those issues that I’m always reading about and never experienced.

For example, I never felt shame about my kinky fantasies. I’ve been fantasizing about being dominated since I was in 5th or 6th grade. I didn’t even know it wasn’t ‘normal’ back then. Then when I was a freshman in high school I met a friend of a friend’s who was dating a guy from the BDSM scene. Like all young romances, all she could do was talk about him and all the bondage, discipline, and impact play they were doing. Everything just clicked as I listened to her talk. I finally had a name for what I felt. Because I’m part of the internet generation I could find out everything I wanted about BDSM and kink in a matter of hours (do over 18 warnings ever work?). That was the first time I came across anything that suggested people should feel ashamed of their sexuality. It didn’t work, I still felt fine.

Fast forward a few years. I’m a senior in high school and I’m desperate to lose my virginity before I leave for college. My boyfriend is happy to oblige and suddenly all my adolescent fantasies seem so naive. I’m perfectly content with vanilla sex and it’s so exciting exploring and learning about my body and his. I eventually get bored and start thinking about all those things I used to fantasize about. I tell him not really knowing how he’ll react – after all so many older, more experienced people were writing about how hard it was to tell people. He thinks it’s hot (like every guy I’ve ever told) and we decide to try it out. We mess around with some stuff, nothing serious, for a while but eventually I realize he’s not good for me and leave him.

Fast forward a few more years. I read more articles and blogs online. They’re telling me how hard it is to meet a dom/sub, that if I want to find someone who can fulfill me sexually I have to look for a dom in the community and not a boyfriend in real life. I decide that having a partner is more important than having a dom, so I don’t look for one. Instead I meet Amor. He’s sweet and a little geeky and doesn’t even kiss me until our third date. He’s just so respectful. He’s definitely not the dom type, but he’s just so wonderful. We fall in love. I share some of my kinks, asking that he not be weirded out because we don’t have to do anything he doesn’t like and vanilla sex is totally fine if that’s all he wants. He thinks it’s hot.

But, he’s never tried anything BDSM related before. So I go back online. I search for a long time for advice for couples who are perfectly happy with their sex life but want to learn more about BDSM. Nothing. There’s advice on how to find a dom/sub, advice on how to tie ropes and use safewords, there’s advice on how to save your failing relationship with some DD, or how to have a ‘master’ and a husband at the same time. But nothing that would really help us. So for a while we don’t try anything new. A little at a time we start adding toys but it’s pretty expensive to buy stuff that you might not even like.

So we go to a local kink community event. Our particular local organization does a wonderful job of introducing people to everything in the kink world. Finally we meet some people our own age and a bit older who are happy and kinky and more or less know what they’re doing. With a little help getting started we’ve managed to find our own way since then.

I realize now how very lucky I was. I figured out my kinks when I was very young, I was introduced to BDSM in a positive environment, and I was lucky to find a partner who not only has the same sex drive and kinky desires as me, but also someone whom I can love and admire outside of the bedroom.

 

*note: I really meant to finish Part 2 of my last post by now, but I’ve been kinda out of it this week. I’ll do my best to have it done tomorrow


I’m all happy today!


Some friends came over last night to cheer me up since I haven’t been able to go out much recently. We (they) played guitar and sang and we talked about all kinds of things. One of the guys had never met my boyfriend, Amor. He saw a picture of us on the wall and commented “He looks like a really nice guy.” Well, he is a really nice guy, that’s one of the first things I noticed about him when we started dating. I remember telling him on one of our first dates that it was so refreshing to meet a genuinely nice, caring guy. I got over the whole ‘bad boy’ thing after high school and really didn’t want to try that again. At the same time, I was pretty much ready to give up on BDSM and some of my kinkier fantasies because I just didn’t see how a nice guy could ever be into it. But here we are, three years later and submitting to Amor is the most natural feeling in the world…because he’s so nice! It’s the fact that I know he wants me to be safe and happy that I can let go completely. Not only can I let go, but his generosity makes me want to think of new ways to please him 😉

Just wanted to share that little revelation ’cause it made me happy!


Please, may I suck your cock?


I never understood girls who wouldn’t sleep with a guy but would go down on him. You know, the girl-next door type that’s saving herself for marriage or just wants to make sure she’s really in love before she ‘gives it up.’ But, either because her boyfriend convinces her or because she’s desperate to somehow express her sexuality, she agrees to go down on him. I don’t mean to judge, if that works for you great. But, personally I never thought you had to be in love to have sex and I definitely didn’t consider waiting until marriage. So for me giving head was something that came after I lost my virginity. To be honest, before I tried it I was expecting it to be more or less an unpleasant experience. Lucky (or unlucky?) for me, my boyfriend at that time was perfectly happy with plain old sex and didn’t really care one way or the other about getting a BJ on top of it. Well, being the experimental teenager that I was, I decided to try it anyway, just for the hell of it. At least then I could say I’d done it. I’ll admit that I was absolutely terrible at it the first time, but that’s not the point. The point is that I had discovered one of the most gratifying sexual experiences I could imagine.

As a natural submissive my biggest sexual desire is to please my partner. Of course, what guy doesn’t love a simple old-fashioned roll in the sack? So why doesn’t that fulfill my need to please the same way that a good blowjob does? Well, when we’re having sex the pleasure is mutual and the sensations in my own body fight to pull my attention from the beautifully submissive feeling of pleasing my partner. But, when I have his cock in my mouth I can concentrate on how hard he’s getting, I can listen to his breathing change and to the little sounds he makes to let me know he’s enjoying himself, I can look up at his face and see the raw emotion there. I can explore every inch of his cock with my tongue and my lips because I want to know him better than he knows himself. Because I love him and I want to devote myself to him, to submit to him and please him in ways he never knew possible.

Strange as it might sound, there you have it. I don’t think that you have to be in love to have sex, but only the deepest sort of connection would motive me to take your cock in my mouth. For me, that’s the ultimate submission, more than letting you tie me up, spank me, or order me around: getting down on my knees and taking you deep into my throat is how I show you that I am truly yours.

And while we’re on the subject of blow-jobs, I thought you might like a naughty little tidbit about how I like to give them. My favorite way to take a cock in my mouth is on my knees, while he’s sitting comfortably on the couch. Practically, it allows for a good angle for deep-throating while at the same time giving me (and him I’m guessing) a good view. Also, although I’m not obsessed with kneeling and crawling, I do like the feeling of being at his feet, worshiping his cock while he reclines. I would love (but haven’t yet had the nerve to set up) to do this while he’s busy watching tv or something like that. I would love to sit there on my knees and lick and suck his cock casually for as long as he wanted. Not sucking hard and fast trying to get him cumming, just a gentle reminder of what else I can do for him when he’s done doing whatever.